One of the issues wives find difficult to complain about today is short and inadequate sexual experiences with their husbands.
There are different sides to this but the more peculiar ones to us are social and emotional. There is the ego of the man being protected because the wife knows he is raised to see sex as a huge part of what makes him ‘man’. There is also the self-protective part of not wanting to be made out as the one who desires too much from being ‘loose’. Then, there is the cultural side to it of wanting to keep with the expectation of a good wife being sexually reserved.
Even stranger is how, many wives have complained about partners refusing to use drugs medically prescribed for them. There’s a social trigger to this, with the use of these drugs playing out as an acceptance of the self-imposed position of being less effective as a man due to reduced sexual capabilities. This needs not be so.
It really is frustrating to begin to make out and get in the mood, only for the partner to reach ejaculation and flaccidity, leaving you turned on and alone. Beyond sex, this can affect the marriage.
FOREPLAY:
Even with the ability to go for longer, penetrative sex is one of several things that need to be done to make things more fun. With a man, the default for this is more of wanting to penetrate but that alone can account for why a lot of men do not last as long. The amount of time you are able thrust for does not need to be the amount of time the whole session should last for. In any case, women tend towards wanting foreplay so it is a win-win situation. Mix in other acts to balance the timing more. If for instance, it takes a man 2 minutes to reach ejaculation and the wife 20 minutes to reach orgasm. He needs to find an 18 minutes balance.
Introducing an extended foreplay of 10 minutes, will already take him to 12 minutes instead of 2! In a recent survey, only one in three women said they could reach orgasm with just penetrative sex, meaning that foreplay is a must to maximise things.
VARIETY:
Foreplay is not enough! What you do in it is also important. For example, you cannot limit the whole of it to just one act where there are several that come in. Bring in the variety, it is free. You can go from one act to another on the different parts of her body using different parts of your own. The finger, the lips, the tongue, the ears, the neck, the nipples, the clitoris, the feet…there are so many places where you can get creative. You need this creativity but it is important to ensure that it is something your partner connects with. In addition, you can introduce role play and other elements that help give a new tone to it. Ice, honey, chocolate, toys etc are different things that are commonly incorporated into the act to help trigger, boost or support.
COMMUNICATION:
Knowing if your partners connects with what you are doing is key. There is no room for assumptions, as they can be costly, leaving you thinking you have done enough when you have not. Communication helps address this. A husbands needs to allow the wife take the lead here because only the wife knows how exactly she is feeling and what exactly she needs to feel. It doesn’t make the man less relevant, it only makes the team more effective.
ORIENTATION:
The prevalent orientation for marital sex is that the husband knows it all and the wife knows little to nothing but this is not true. Being a husband doesn’t automatically make you more sexually active. It also doesn’t make you more knowledgeable. Having a wife with a robust sexual inclination doesn’t make you less of a husband and it is not derogatory. The mindset of feeling challenged will only make it difficult to improve and gain from the advantage of said wife. This needs to change with husbands getting less defensive, needlessly.
STRESS:
Given the situation of things in our society, stress is a very common factor. It can be economic and financial, it can be marital, it can be social, it can be health based. Whatever the source of stress, it needs to be managed if not, it will have its own effect on sex eventually. You can see why it may be distracting for a man who is preoccupied with getting school fees for his children. Suddenly switching from this to a sex mind is just not something we all are able to do with the same effectiveness so it needs to be managed. Identify whatever the source of the stress is and deal with it. Delegate more things where you can and carry your partner along. It not only lets them participate, it puts them on the same page as you, letting them understand you better and better fine tune themselves towards your realities. The mere thought of having sex can add anxiety for a man who feels he falls short. Initiating sex in this heightens the very thing he wants to overcome to be able to last longer; stress. The role of the partner is very important here and she can help calm him down with reassuring acts and words. The right words with the right tone, help a lot.
LIFESTYLE:
Alcohol, Tobacco etc have effect on our body system and can play indirect roles in sexual activities. Food intake is also important as is sleep pattern. Eat healthier, focus on fruits and food that can help your sex life. You also need stamina and this will improve with exercise. Hit the gym, stay active, stay well rested, stay properly nourished and you will notice the positive difference. Kegel exercises are very useful in helping you work on your pelvic floor muscles.
MANAGE THE SEX:
Beyond just what you are able to do physically, you also need to be able to manage the sex right. One way to do this is to penetrate and thrust until just before you get to ejaculation then you stop, pull out to catch deep breaths, allow the urge to settle a bit then proceed. As long as you do not cross the ejaculation line, you still have enough to stop and restart. Do this with good transition and flow though, it can be frustrating for your partner if you keep halting flow of thrust without order. Pull out smoothly and transition into another act especially on the clitoris and this gives it a deliberate feel instead of just going all over the place without coordination. This ties back to the earlier point on carrying your partner along and working together. This would ensure that you can get a lot more out of your single duration capability.
WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
Your general relationship off sex can affect your sex. Work on it. Reduce misunderstandings as much as possible, work on conflict resolution and don’t dwell on things. Create intimacy outside sex and get comfortable around one another enough to crack jokes and get naughty. Learn to get relaxed and comfortable around each other and this will become a tool you can put into play during sex.
** These are things you try on your own. You should still see your doctor to be sure there is no health side to it. Also, it is important to for you to stick to medications all through (where prescribed). It is common for people to want to use their drugs only when they want to have sex. It doesn’t work this way.
