Many people complain about their spouses not paying attention to them but when you check deeper, you find more to it.
The first question is “why?”
Why should your spouse pay as much attention to you?
Now, people get on the defensive here and go “because we are married” but then why are you not getting the attention?
Because beyond being married, there are other things.
You deserve attention as a spouse. That is how it should be but this is also attached to how much value one can deliver.
Here are a few things to ask self.
How much fun is it to be around you?
Is it enjoyable or loaded with demands, arguments, awkward silence or even fights? If it is any of the above then know that your spouse is unlikely to want to spend time with or pay attention to you.
How do you look?
Yes, we are talking about marriage and physical attraction is key. No matter the constraint, strive to take care of yourself. Keep your fitness level sharp, be clean, be well dressed and be fresh. This is about skin, hairs, clothes etc.
How much in sync are you intellectually?
Even when the atmosphere is friendly, how much intelligent connection can be created with you? You will need to be able to discuss more than just social media gossip or uninformed political rumours.
How available are you?
It’s simple, if you are too available and too much in need, your spouse will find less and less need to be around you. It’s a case of demand and supply. If for example, a spouse has two hours worth of interaction per evening allocated to you, anything after that will be a stretch. The longer the stretch, the less the value attached. This is common where one party isn’t engaged.
How much do you actually know about your spouse?
The more you know, the more you are able to adapt. This takes deliberate efforts in discussions and observations.
Do you understand your own self?
This should probably be the first point because you also have needs. Knowledge and understanding of your own needs will help your presentation of it such that you are not too overwhelming or too distant.
How frequently are you doing hurtful things or in need to apologize?
This may give you an idea of what interactions with you are like or where you may need to improve.
Begin with the above and things will get better if the desire is still there to be in the marriage.
If you have tried the above but not getting results, send me a message and we can take it from there.
